i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
FUCK WHALES
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
