these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
