Everything about him screamed your future.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
