She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
