Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
