i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think my vagina is haunted
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
