everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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