I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
