just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
