Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
