And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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