I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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