the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
