You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
