Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
porn star boner night. come get it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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