Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
