like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
