I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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