The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
