I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
