I cockslap morals
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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