i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
