Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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