My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
