You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
