i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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