I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
