she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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