THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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