The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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