I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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