Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
