He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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