6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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