Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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