oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In other news, I just burned my penis
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
