You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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