made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i came on her dog
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
