shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
