If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
