dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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