apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
