Operation Purity has been aborted
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
