I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
