he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
