My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
