i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
