I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think people are normalizing furries
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
