You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
