I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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