I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
my liver is dry heaving
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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