I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
